From "Hati Kering" to "Love Letter"?

Assalamualaikum and Hi my fellow readers,

Hope you guys are doing just fine. If you have been following me since I first started blogging, you might notice a slight change on my blog. Yeah, I changed my blog title from "Hati Kering" to "Love Letter". There's a reason why I changed my blog title.

First of all, I changed my blog title because as I grow older, I realized that I am no longer the hati kering girl as I was before. If you want to know what hati kering is you can check out my previous entry here:

https://faizahar.blogspot.com/2013/01/kenapa-hati-kering.html

Hati kering tu memang dah sebati dalam diri cuma bila umur semakin meningkat kita, perangai hati kering tu dah semakin berkurang. Kita jadi semakin matang dan lebih banyak perasaan simpati(sympathy) dan juga empati(empathy) terhadap orang sekeliling.

The reason I chose Love Letter as my blog title is because love letter is a way of expressing the feelings of love in a written form. For me personally, a love letter doesn't have to be between two people who are romantically in love, it can be between family and friends because love is universal. You can also write a love letter to yourself as a way of showing self-love to appreciate yourself. Writing these love letters gave me the satisfaction of expressing myself in a different way.

Even BTS (방탄소년단) are promoting self-love in which I think it is great because I hoped the campaign can help tackle the issue of recent increase in suicidal rate amongst youth. Honestly, I've been following them for a while now and they have changed my perspective on K-POP genre. I used to think K-POP is a bunch of manufactured bands/groups created just to make money and have no significance in the global music industry.

Boy, was I wrong? They certainly proved me wrong because I've listen to their songs (with English translations of course). All I can say is BTS not only have good quality music but they also have great lyrics. From what I know, BTS even wrote some of their own lyrics and melody which is great. Their lyrics are the things that touched me the most because it shows their struggle and growth throughout the years and it is something a lot of people can relate to especially the younger generations. If you notice, some of their songs are somewhat like a love letter maybe to themselves or maybe to their fans(ARMY). I guess that's why they have a huge following on social media.

OK I think I stray too much from the main topic here but I don't care. This is my blog and I can write whatever I want haha jk. The main point is you can also write yourself a love letter to motivate yourself to do better and improve from time to time. Or maybe write something to reminisce about like your school year, your childhood memories and the things that you used to do for fun. It's all up to you. All you need to do is start doing and less procrastinating. Goodluck!

Sayonara.

My High School Crush

Assalamualaikum & Hi Readers,

This entry will have a mix of both Malay and English language so that I can really pour my heart out. Please bear with me ya. So, from the title you can already guess what I'm going to talk about. Yes, I'm going to talk about my high school crush but why so suddenly? I've already forgotten about him like ages ago. Actually, I received a wedding invitation from him a few days ago and I can't help but reminisce about our high school days.

I first met him when I moved to a new school when I was 14. Never really liked him at first because he was a troublemaker at school. Always getting scolded by teachers and always getting into trouble. Honestly, I don't even remember when I first started having crush on him but I guess since we were classmates at the time, we spent a lot of time together. The more I get to know him, the more I see the good side of him. He was the class clown so he get along just fine with everyone but I was the total opposite. I was so shy I couldn't talk to anyone and ended up going around alone. He helped me getting adjusted to this new school so I wouldn't feel left out.

Even though he was a troublemaker, I could see that he has a good heart. Before I know it, I started having a crush on him but I was too shy to let him know. I was devastated when I found out he had a girlfriend when we were 15 but I kept my feelings to myself. Kadang-kadang aku terfikir juga "What if I confessed my feelings to him at that time? Would things have ended up differently?". But I never muster up the courage to do so and I thought I closed that chapter when we graduated high school.

The lingering feelings come and go as we do stay in touch. Sometimes, he would call me asking about life and everything and that made me miss our high school days. I still remember the time when our classmates went on a picnic at the beach and we have no care for the world. Ten years passed by in an instant, his wedding invitation made me realized that we are getting older now and that chapter has really come to an end.

He is someone I hold very dear to my heart and I wish him all the happiness in the world. He made my high school days less unbearable so I'm always thankful to him for that. I hereby close another chapter of my life for good. Farewell my high school crush. I wish you all the best in life.

Sayonara.

Love, Rosie

Assalamualaikum.

Today, I suddenly feel the urge to write. Actually, I just watched a movie called "Love, Rosie" which is an adaptation of Cecilia Ahern's novel called "Where Rainbows End". It's a story about Rosie and Alex who were bestfriends since they were little. As they grew up, they developed strong feelings for each other but failed to recognize it. But when they do, they kept missing out on each other and time is fooling them. They never get their timing right. Even when the other got married or have kids, their feelings never changed. They kept supporting each other as best friends would be. After years and years of missing out on each other, they finally get things sorted out. A bit late, but better late than never.

Actually I've seen this movie a few times before but I loved to watch it again and again, so that I can relive the feeling of being in love and the pain of heartbreak. I had a similar story, well minus the happy ending. I had a good friend, who were always there when I needed him. But as we grew closer, I became afraid of my own feelings. I was scared of becoming too attached to him, so I pushed him away. I cut contact from him because I was afraid that I might not be able to control my own feelings. In the end, I hurt him and we grew apart.

A few years later, I contacted him to apologized for what I did was unfair. I told him about my feelings. All he said to me was "Why didn't you tell me about this before?". He thought I met someone else when the truth was I liked him but was too afraid to let him know. Then, a few months later I got the news that he got married to someone else. I was shocked at first because he never mention anything before but who could blame him. I hurt him first. I sincerely hope he is happy with whomever he chooses. As for me, I moved on but still haven't found the right one yet. Not really looking for anyone though, but sometimes I just thought it would be nice to have someone to share your everything with. I guess we all have that sense of belonging, right?

Love,
Faizah

I loved + I lost = I moved on

There is someone that I regret having pushed away. He was a friend. A close friend. Someone who used to be my punching bag. Someone who used to listen to my stories and gave me his undivided attention when nobody else was. Someone who managed to tear down my walls that were bigger than the Great Wall of China. It was "us" against the world. At least it used to be. I took him for granted. I guess the saying was true.

 "You'll never know what you had till it's gone".

People say a boy and a girl can't be best friends because one of them will start to have feelings for the other. I just laughed at them thinking it's not true. Then, it happened. I started to have feelings for him. Can't really tell where, when or how it happens. It just happened. Naturally. We were great but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. So I pushed him away thinking that was the best way to save "us". I thought if I push him away, my feelings will eventually fades. I told him I needed space. He said that if this is what I really want then he'll respect my decision. I never told him how i felt.

Two years has passed. I still think about us, occasionally. I tried to forget about it by making myself busy but the guilt still haunts me. So one day I contacted him saying that I missed "us". I let everything out of my chest. About my feelings and the reason I pushed him away. I told him I was sorry for everything. He resented me for pushing him away and for not telling him the truth. But he understood why I had to make that decision. We never contacted each other ever since.

That was a long time ago. I never blame him or resented him for what happened. Throughout all these years I've learned about friendship, love and heartbreak. As time passes, the wound heals but the scar remains as a reminder of what used to be. As I look back, I realized that it wasn't him that I was in love with. He was a great friend but it was the attention he gave me that I was craving for. I was young and foolish but I learned my lesson.

The experience was bittersweet. I never regret having met him. We were just never meant to be. I still wish him all the best though. He deserves it. Me? I moved on. It's quite hard at first but i guess time heals everything. 

I loved + I lost = I moved on. 

The equation seems simple yet complicated. At the time you might think you'll never make it out alive but at the end of the day you'll come out stronger and wiser than ever before.