There is someone that I regret having pushed away. He was a friend. A close friend. Someone who used to be my punching bag. Someone who used to listen to my stories and gave me his undivided attention when nobody else was. Someone who managed to tear down my walls that were bigger than the Great Wall of China. It was "us" against the world. At least it used to be. I took him for granted. I guess the saying was true.
"You'll never know what you had till it's gone".
People say a boy and a girl can't be best friends because one of them will start to have feelings for the other. I just laughed at them thinking it's not true. Then, it happened. I started to have feelings for him. Can't really tell where, when or how it happens. It just happened. Naturally. We were great but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. So I pushed him away thinking that was the best way to save "us". I thought if I push him away, my feelings will eventually fades. I told him I needed space. He said that if this is what I really want then he'll respect my decision. I never told him how i felt.
Two years has passed. I still think about us, occasionally. I tried to forget about it by making myself busy but the guilt still haunts me. So one day I contacted him saying that I missed "us". I let everything out of my chest. About my feelings and the reason I pushed him away. I told him I was sorry for everything. He resented me for pushing him away and for not telling him the truth. But he understood why I had to make that decision. We never contacted each other ever since.
That was a long time ago. I never blame him or resented him for what happened. Throughout all these years I've learned about friendship, love and heartbreak. As time passes, the wound heals but the scar remains as a reminder of what used to be. As I look back, I realized that it wasn't him that I was in love with. He was a great friend but it was the attention he gave me that I was craving for. I was young and foolish but I learned my lesson.
The experience was bittersweet. I never regret having met him. We were just never meant to be. I still wish him all the best though. He deserves it. Me? I moved on. It's quite hard at first but i guess time heals everything.
"You'll never know what you had till it's gone".
People say a boy and a girl can't be best friends because one of them will start to have feelings for the other. I just laughed at them thinking it's not true. Then, it happened. I started to have feelings for him. Can't really tell where, when or how it happens. It just happened. Naturally. We were great but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. So I pushed him away thinking that was the best way to save "us". I thought if I push him away, my feelings will eventually fades. I told him I needed space. He said that if this is what I really want then he'll respect my decision. I never told him how i felt.
Two years has passed. I still think about us, occasionally. I tried to forget about it by making myself busy but the guilt still haunts me. So one day I contacted him saying that I missed "us". I let everything out of my chest. About my feelings and the reason I pushed him away. I told him I was sorry for everything. He resented me for pushing him away and for not telling him the truth. But he understood why I had to make that decision. We never contacted each other ever since.
That was a long time ago. I never blame him or resented him for what happened. Throughout all these years I've learned about friendship, love and heartbreak. As time passes, the wound heals but the scar remains as a reminder of what used to be. As I look back, I realized that it wasn't him that I was in love with. He was a great friend but it was the attention he gave me that I was craving for. I was young and foolish but I learned my lesson.
The experience was bittersweet. I never regret having met him. We were just never meant to be. I still wish him all the best though. He deserves it. Me? I moved on. It's quite hard at first but i guess time heals everything.
I loved + I lost = I moved on.
The equation seems simple yet complicated. At the time you might think you'll never make it out alive but at the end of the day you'll come out stronger and wiser than ever before.
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